Love is Masochism

From a woman's perspective... This sounds vaguely familiar. I talked about this earlier in the semester, with regard to my situation, and why I am a 40-year-old woman with no desire to be in a relationship.

For me, the inherent problem with love is that it involves a complete release of emotions that I'm not capable of releasing. It's not that I'm not willing, rather, I truly believe I'm not able to express them. That makes me cold to most people.

***As a parent, I am completely in love with my daughter, but, that is a unique love that only a parent could comprehend. It is nothing like the love between two adults who are sexually, emotionally, physically, whatever.***

For a very long time, I've realized that I harbor a coldness about myself when it comes to relationships with men. What is terrifying about this, is that I am an incredible actress. There are very few people who really know me, and only one man who does... did. I can act like I care... I can act like I'm giddy or silly or stupid, as Mike put it, but, that's not love. It's acting. Often, I find myself acting one way around one person, and completely different around another person. Neither know me, really. I just don't allow them to get that close to me.

As I do with my family, I build that proverbial wall around my heart and disallow anyone to penetrate it. I act as if I care, but, in all actuality, I don't. Sometimes, I act so well that I almost fool myself into believing that I could be falling in love, but, when all is said and done, and I'm able to walk away, unscathed, I didn't.

I get over relationships quickly, and never look back. I don't spend weeks, months, years, whining about them, or crying about them. I don't understand how people can do that to themselves. Love is masochism. I've yet to experience anything related to love that isn't masochism.

It's a bewildering topic, Mike. Thanks for presenting it to your fanbase.

New Poetry

The conception of a joke

Secrets scorched
Further than exposure,
Wedged in a web
Of burnt deceit.
Fantasize about me
But carry no ache.
Promises
Sink to
Another wound.

A New Dress for Anne

This was a quick project! I had purchased the material for this dress several months ago, but, had put off sewing the dress until this morning. After measuring Anne and finding ribbon to match it, it took me about an hour to make it.

I love it!

Anne loves it, too!

I'm not certain about the ribbon I selected for the straps. I want to add something behind it, like a thicker, wider ribbon, so that it doesn't cut into Anne's shoulders. What do you think?

The best thing about this dress is that I made it a little bigger than she needs it to be right now, so that she can wear it next summer, too.

Gargoyle

Three foot
Monster
Also known
As
Gargillys
Or Gargles

Can be any
Colors

Evil
Things act
Up when
Near

By Joseph A. Missler
22 June 2008

LUSH of the Irish

No, this isn't a joke. This actually happened to me, Amy Kalvig, today.

Last week, I went to a few garage sales with my sister, in the hopes of finding summer clothes for my six (and a half) year-old daughter, Annie. At the last sale of the day, it appeared I had hit the jackpot.

There, on a clothesline rack, were several t-shirts that seemed to be just the right size for Annie. As I sorted through the various t-shirts I found Hershey's Chocolate, Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Bazooka Bubble Gum, and, a St. Patrick's Day shirt, that was all green, with a tasteful shamrock and the words "Luck of the Irish" on the front. Annie was so proud to have the Irish shirt, as she's very proud of her Irish heritage. (Miss Annie O Keenan!)

I realized, as we checked out, that these shirts were really adult smalls, but, considering how teenagers wear their shirts extra tight these days, they fit Annie like a charm.

I paid for the items, brought them home, washed them and put them away.

This morning, as I was getting ready for school, Annie quickly dressed, putting on the St. Patty's Day shirt and a pair of jeans. "Cute," I thought as she headed out for my sister's car.

Some five hours later, after I'd picked up Annie, and brought her home, and as we were getting ready to play Webkins, I looked at her shirt and realized what it said.

Before I tell you what it said, bear in mind that Annie went with my sister and her family to an appointment at the county offices... and probably to the grocery store... who knows where all she was.

The shirt did NOT read "Luck of the Irish" as I had thought when I bought it, washed it, dried it, hung it up, then put it on Annie. No. It read:

"LUSH O' the Irish."

Yes, in fact, my six (and a half) year-old daughter wore THAT all day today.

My eyes grew large and Annie said, "What?"

"Your shirt. It doesn't say Luck, it says Lush."

"What's a lush?"

"Basically, an alcoholic," I said.

"Oh no!!! Oh no!!! I hate this shirt!!! Get it off me!!! Get it off me!!!"

Call me a bad mother, but, I couldn't help but to laugh and laugh when I realized the I made such a dumb and embarrassing mistake! Annie, however, didn't share my good spirit. She was livid. I wanted to call a friend and tell her what a dope I was, but Annie was furious and felt humiliated. I even told her that it was all my fault... as I'm the one who bought the darned thing... but Annie couldn't see it.

I told her she could put on another shirt, but, I had to get a photo of her in this one first.

Needless to say, she was super grumpy about it, but, finally relented and allowed me to photograph her in the now, infamous, Irish shirt.

Sharing Ancestoral Art

On a recent trip to Chicago, I discovered that my Great-Grandmother Trudeau enjoyed altered/collage art! This thrilled me, as it's also my favorite genre of art.

I found not only a gorgeous planter and magazine rack she had altered, but, a bowl she had altered with cigar bands. When I realized it was an altered piece, I grabbed my camera and snapped a few pictures.

Later, when I'd arrived home, one of the members of my rubber stamp pass it forward group, Snagging Stampers (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/snaggingstampers/) offered a large collection of cigar bands. I had a primitive wooden bowl I'd recently purchased at an antiques auction, so, I figured I'd use that and copy my Great-Grandmother's project.

In the center of her bowl, my Great-Grandmother placed an image of a woman, presumably, from an advertisement or label. In order to give mine more of a personal touch, I used a photograph of my daughter. I had color copies made of the photo, then cut the image in a circle. I used a Kryon Gold Leafing pen to create a background.

I love my finished product, though, I've realized that when my labels dried on the bowl, they buckled a bit between the bowl and the labels. I'd soaked them, then Mod-Podged them onto the wooden bowl. I wonder if the bowl had been cleaned with an oil-based cleanser before I purchased it? Perhaps, I should have sanded it?

At any rate, I coated the entire bowl with Golden Gel Medium, which gave it a nice shine and protection from the elements.

Let me know what you think! Whose bowl do you prefer (as if you'd really tell me the truth!)? My bowl is on the bottom right, and features Annie in the center. Great-Grandmother's bowl is the top left. Her clay covered planter (which contains the coolest and neatest items imbedded on it) is also shown.

An unusual obsession

My dog, Lucky, has currently become obsessed with our aquarium. It's strange that we've had this aquarium for years, but she's just now noticing it.

Chrysocolla Necklace

I made this necklace over the past two days. It is made of Peruvian Chrysocolla beads and silver plated findings. I love the earthy look of the Chrysocolla beads and the way it ranges from earthy green to light blue in a single bead.

This necklace would retail for way more than I'm asking for it ($30) -- $75-$100. It's 25 inches long.

Let me know if interested!

Jewelry made by me!

I made these necklaces for two friends... and I absolutely love them! The blue one is more simple, in style, howevever, the purple one is done by links, which is a bit more complicated than stringing beads.

The purple one would retail for $18, while the blue and black one would be $15.